


Fundamentals

by LadyArreya



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: 25 Days of Voyager, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28127568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyArreya/pseuds/LadyArreya
Summary: Coda to "Human Error." P/T.
Relationships: Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29
Collections: 25 Days of Voyager (2020 Version)





	Fundamentals

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to my friends in CVI and DQ. Too many to list! Thank you all for inspiring and motivating me with our fantastic conversations.

* * *

It was late by the time he finally returned to their quarters, but B'Elanna was still awake.

He was gratified to see her nibbling on a thick slice of toast slathered with chunky peanut butter.

"Having a little midnight snack?" he asked lightly.

Her eyes narrowed. "She's gotten used to getting fed at this time. When I was working the night shift on Quarra, this was breakfast time."

Tom felt a pang of guilt at the reminder of the weeks he'd missed, even though there wasn't anything he could have done about it. He still hadn't been able to figure out why the Quarrans would assign a pregnant woman to work at night. It was bad enough working at the Power Distribution Facility during the day. The night shift was even more cold and lonely.

"She's always more active when I'm trying to rest," B'Elanna continued. "When I'm moving around, it lulls her to sleep. But I'm too tired to walk anymore. I thought some food might help her settle down."

She still sounded a little defensive, and he knew he had to tread carefully. B'Elanna had always been touchy about her weight.

She'd gained quite a bit of weight when she'd first become depressed, after finding out about the annihilation of the Maquis a few years ago. Then she'd lost a lot of weight too quickly when she'd stopped eating and started all those extreme sports programs on the holodeck.

In recent years, she'd been at a healthy weight. But he could tell she still felt self-conscious about the changes in her body. It had taken weeks of gentle prodding before she'd finally transitioned to a two-piece maternity uniform.

"Nourishing new life is hard work," he said in as neutral of a tone as possible.

"Tell me about it," she snorted, taking another huge bite.

The sight of her eating with such gusto made him long for his own slice, but he fought back the urge. The last thing he needed was to gain extra kilos of sympathy weight. He'd also struggled with his weight over the years, especially when he'd been depressed and had PTSD after the Hirogen had taken over _Voyager_. These days, he was doing his best to be especially mindful of his eating and exercise habits.

He busied himself with wiping up the stray crumbs on the table instead. The downside of the toaster was the mess.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked. "Maybe some warm milk?"

Her nose wrinkled.

"How about a hot cup of _pejuta_?"

"Okay."

He replicated two steaming mugs of _pejuta_ and brought them over to the coffee table.

"Thanks."

"Good thing we have all these extra replicator rations now," he said cheerfully. "I was worried when we were stuck in the Void." Even with Neelix saving food especially for her, it had been difficult to get enough because of _Voyager's_ low energy reserves.

"And then we were stuck on Quarra for three weeks…"

"I had enough to eat on Quarra," she said.

"I know. But the food there wasn't exactly tailored to human/Klingon needs."

She shrugged. "I had a checkup with the Doctor this afternoon. He said she's growing just fine. There's nothing to worry about."

"I'm not trying to nag. Just… trying to make up for lost time."

Her expression softened. "It wasn't all lost. You still managed to look after me, even though you didn't know who I was."

He nodded. "I didn't know why, but I felt like I had to protect you. You seemed so alone."

"I felt alone. But then I met you," she said, taking his hand.

"We'll never get those weeks back," he said regretfully. "I wish I could make it up to you somehow."

"You don't have to make it up to me, Tom," she protested. "It wasn't your fault."

"I still feel guilty."

"Is that why you went to all the trouble of organizing such an elaborate baby shower? Because you felt guilty?"

"No, of course not. I did that because I wanted to. And it's tradition – you gotta have a baby shower when you're having a baby."

Besides, they all needed rituals that brought them comfort and hope. Especially after what the Quarrans had done to them. Celebrating the impending birth of the first baby conceived in the Delta Quadrant had gone a long way in re-establishing a sense of community and belonging.

The celebration had gone on for hours. Everyone had contributed extravagantly to the party and the gifts, and they'd accumulated an impressive pile of adorable outfits, blankets, diapers, baby bottles and every toy imaginable. All of which he'd tested out – just to make sure everything worked properly.

Fortunately, the experienced parents, Joe Carey, Ayala, Tuvok and Sam Wildman, had given them pragmatic gifts that people who didn't have children wouldn't have thought of, so they now also had everything they actually needed and not just toys.

B'Elanna didn't usually like surprises, but she'd been touched by everyone's effort and generosity.

He sipped at his _pejuta_ , mentally cataloging where they could put everything. They really needed to reorganize their storage system.

As he set his cup back down, he caught sight of a small prismatic silver box topped with shiny purple ribbons. It looked like it had been hastily tossed onto the corner of the coffee table along with some PADDs.

He picked it up. "What's this?"

She glanced up. "Oh, that's a present from Seven. She gave it to me in Engineering earlier today. Since she missed the baby shower."

He fiddled with the tight-fitting lid for a moment, struggling to get it open.

"Baby booties?" he chuckled. "I wouldn't have expected that from Seven."

"Me neither. Apparently they're lined with biothermal insulation to keep her feet warm. Even if the temperature drops to minus 40 degrees Celsius."

"How thoughtful. But I hope it never gets that cold here. If it does, how are we going to keep the rest of her warm?"

"We'll just have to replicate an entire snowsuit with the same insulation."

"Hey, that's a great idea! Then we can all go to the holodeck together. The cabin up at Lake Tahoe, or the resort at –"

"Tom," she interrupted him. "We are NOT taking the baby skiing."

"Oh, come on, B'Elanna. Just a teensy trip down the hill in a sled? Or in a miniature snow tube?" he wheedled.

"No," she said adamantly.

"Okay, okay. Can we at least play in the snow? Build a snowman or two?"

"Maybe," she conceded.

"And how about a sleigh ride after?"

"Tom…"

"It'll be safe, I promise. I'll program the horses to trot real slow."

"I'll think about it," she allowed.

Inspired, he got up and immediately started searching through the database for infant snowsuits.

As he programmed the specifications and it took shape, he could easily picture how their baby would look in it.

B'Elanna was looking at him askance and muttering under her breath, but he was confident she'd give in and indulge his whims. Eventually.

He added the final touches, saved it to a PADD, then held it up for her inspection.

"What do you think?"

She stared at it for a long moment.

"Looks warm," she said at last. "I could have used one of those when we were trapped in the Argala habitat."

"I managed to keep you warm. Besides, it was only 20 below in there."

"Then I wouldn't have been cold at all."

"You probably would have overheated instead."

"Better than dying of hypothermia."

"Then we'll replicate you one in your size too," he laughed.

B'Elanna touched her fingers to the display screen. "Her cheeks might still get cold," she said fretfully. Her fingers drifted upwards, and her expression grew even more pensive.

He wasn't sure why until he looked more closely and realized that the snowsuit covered everything but the face, the faux fur lining the hood completely obscuring the forehead. He suddenly remembered how she'd told him how she'd tried so hard to hide the ridges on her forehead when she was growing up. Hats, scarves, whatever else she could think of.

She sighed. "Wouldn't you rather take her to the beach?"

"We can do that too," he agreed affably. "We already have a swimsuit for her. And a beach towel. We got them at the baby shower, remember?"

"How could I forget?" she said dryly. "What _didn't_ we get at the baby shower?"

He still felt the impulse to reassure her that their daughter would be all right, that she wouldn't face the same discrimination that B'Elanna had, but he couldn't think of a way to bring it up. So all he did was put the box away and the booties in with all the other baby clothes they'd acquired.

Then he gathered the PADDs haphazardly scattered on the coffee table and was about to stack them all neatly on top of the pile in front of her, but she waved him off.

"Those are from Seven too. Part of the gift. Don't mix them in with my work PADDs."

"What are they? Parenting books?" he guessed.

"No. Lesson plans."

He picked up the top PADD on the stack and activated the display.

"The Zeroth law of thermodynamics?" he read, his face scrunched up in surprise. "Isn't it a little too early for that?"

"It's never too early," she countered. "Not for an engineer's daughter."

"Okay, then. I guess I'd better brush up on the basics."

"Right now?"

"Sure. No time like the present," he said brightly.

He cleared his throat and began reading out loud.

"The Zeroth law of thermodynamics states that if two thermodynamic systems are each in thermal equilibrium with a third one, then they are in thermal equilibrium with each other. The zeroth law may also be stated: All diathermal walls are equivalent."

He raised an eyebrow.

"A diathermal wall is a physical connection between two bodies that allows the passage of heat between them," he read, his voice dropping lower.

B'Elanna eyed him suspiciously, and he gave her an innocent smile as he scrolled down further.

"Thermal contact conductance," he read smoothly. "The study of heat conduction between solid bodies in thermal contact. When two solid bodies come in contact, heat flows from the hotter body to the colder body."

She frowned. "How can you possibly make thermodynamics sound so suggestive?" she asked incredulously.

"It's a talent I've cultivated over many years of deliberate practice," he informed her loftily.

She looked at him in exasperation. "Does everything remind you of sex, Tom?"

He gave her a winning smile. "Only when you're around."

She was shaking her head but smiling, he was pleased to note.

Lucky for him, her raging pregnancy hormones worked in his favor.

He was positive they were affecting him too. Or maybe it was just because they'd been away from each other for several long weeks. Since they'd been reunited, it had almost felt like they were falling in love for the first time all over again.

She was always beautiful to him, but lately she seemed even more radiant. Her figure was softer, more rounded, and her skin looked more luminous than usual.

He vaguely recalled from his medical studies that pregnancy increased blood flow and circulation… everywhere.

Taking a chance, he slid in closer to her on the couch and unobtrusively slipped his hand under her uniform jacket. She made a little low noise at the back of her throat.

He loved that sound, and that he was the only one who could ever hear it. That he was the only one who made her feel that way.

"I know another way we can make up for lost time," he murmured in her ear.

Her lips curved upward into a genuine smile, and she leaned into his embrace. "No time like the present," she agreed.

* * *

A little while later, he gently pulled the comforter up to her chin, tucking it in securely around them. She'd fallen asleep immediately after their vigorous bout of lovemaking.

The sound of her even breathing next to him comforted him.

She was so guarded and tough with everyone except him. When it was just the two of them, she was open-hearted and tender.

There was so much he still wanted to say to her, but it was hard to find the words sometimes. Instead, he tried to show her how much he loved her through his actions.

After he'd returned to _Voyager_ , she'd confessed to him she'd read his personal logs when she was trying to regain her memories, and that listening to his innermost thoughts had gone a long way in reassuring her of his commitment to their relationship.

She'd offered to let him read hers, which he'd taken her up on, and it had helped him understand her better too.

Over the past few days, he'd taken the time to reflect on their relationship and their patterns.

In the beginning, it had seemed like a miracle that B'Elanna loved him. He'd been alone for so long. After Caldik Prime, he'd been disowned by his family, estranged from his friends. He'd been so filled with shame and self-loathing that he'd convinced himself he was unlovable.

Surely he was worthy if she thought he was. He'd been amazed that she'd chosen him, and he'd done his best to make her happy.

As the months had passed, he hadn't even realized that he'd been slipping back into old habits.

When he'd been younger, he'd spent too much of his time and energy trying to make other people happy. His parents, his sisters, his teachers, friends, girlfriends… just about everyone. He'd had a tendency to sacrifice his own needs and wants, to please others instead of being true to himself.

It hadn't served him well. He'd had to hide too much of himself, and he'd been constantly afraid they'd reject him if he said what he really thought.

So much of his identity had been based on other people's approval, on them liking him. So he'd usually gone along with whatever they wanted. He'd always done what he'd been told to do because he hadn't had the courage to stand up for what he really wanted and needed.

But that only worked for so long. Inevitably, he'd start to feel resentful and rebel, leaving the people around him baffled and frustrated.

It was only recently that he'd realized he'd been repeating this cycle with B'Elanna.

After the initial euphoria had worn off, the growing awareness of their differences had been harder to ignore. They were both hypersensitive to criticism and afraid of rejection, which made them less attuned to each other and their relationship. They'd often been in conflict and increasingly dissatisfied.

Too often he'd been guilty of withholding the truth, trying to spare her feelings or out of fear of the consequences. Telling the truth seemed too risky, too frightening, because it might result in the end of their relationship.

He'd usually tried to placate her, but it had always seemed to backfire and further escalate the conflict instead of preventing it.

Gradually, each wanting their own freedom, they'd spent more and more time apart.

They'd both become caught up in their own work, hobbies and friends as they'd pursued their own needs and interests.

It had been good for them as individuals but not necessarily for their relationship.

Though he'd hated to admit it, they'd drifted away from each other. And there were times he'd despaired that they'd ever get back on track to where they really wanted to be.

It wasn't until he'd started being more honest with her that their relationship had really started to shift. Sometimes it meant they argued more, but at least their true feelings were out in the open.

He'd figured out he had to say what needed to be said and not tiptoe around it, censoring himself and pretending everything was all right when it wasn't. He couldn't be constantly bracing for the fallout all the time.

They could no longer shy away from the difficult, painful conversations if they wanted their relationship to thrive. Instead, they had to confront their problems head on.

Because keeping silent was destructive.

And now that they were about to become parents, they had both begun to recognize that they were entering a new stage in their relationship. They were both used to being on their own and valued their independence, but with their baby on the way, it had become even more crucial that their decisions be made together.

He'd worried that their fighting would have negative impact on their daughter, but he'd come to realize that it wasn't a bad thing. It was their way of working out their differences.

It had been far worse that B'Elanna's father had kept it all in, then left for good without a backwards glance.

He'd gradually been learning how to voice his concerns in a way she could hear them and not feel provoked. He knew she needed to feel that he was on her side.

In the deepest, darkest corner of her mind, she still feared abandonment, worrying that he would grow tired of her someday and leave. The way her father had left when she needed him most.

But he'd never run away from his family, no matter what. He'd never let it get that bad.

Their involuntary separation had made him appreciate what he had all the more.

If they hadn't been rescued, he'd have spent the rest of his life without them. It was excruciating to think about.

They'd been given a second chance, and he wouldn't take it for granted ever again.

He was determined to spend the rest of his life showing her how much he loved her. He never wanted to be apart from her and their baby ever again.

For now, they were together again.

And that was enough.

The End!

**Author's Note:**

> This story was greatly influenced by the book In Quest of the Mythical Mate by Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, and by this podcast interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11DL3fQj648


End file.
